‘Yeah. You definitely had a miscarriage.’ These words broke me. I felt guilty.’: Grieving mother encourages others to show their support, ‘She needs to know she’s loved’

“Waiting rooms and doctor’s offices remind me of her – my first baby. They remind me of my first pregnancy. They remind me of the child that I never held in my arms but will always hold in my heart. The hospital is where it was confirmed that I did, indeed, lose my baby. The doctor walked in and said, ‘Yeah. You definitely had a miscarriage. It happens to 1 in 4 women.’

These words broke me.

For something the world views as common, my heart instantly shattered in a million pieces. It didn’t feel ‘common’. It hurt. I cried a lot. I was physically ill and weak for days. I didn’t want to do anything or talk to anyone for days. I felt guilty for feeling this way.

When I reflect back on this time in my life, I’ve realized the hurt never completely ‘goes away.’ Sure, many women have more babies. And we love those babies with all that we have in us, too. Some women are still yearning for that to happen. Some have lots of kids.

Just like we can’t replace a child on earth, our hearts always save a special place for our little angels in heaven.

Each pregnancy changes you.

If you come across a mom who lost her baby, please just love her. Don’t tell her ‘you’ll have another one,’ ‘get over it,’ or ‘at least it happened early.’

Tell her ‘I’m here for you.’

Tell her ‘I’m sorry your baby died.’

Ask her if she needs anything.

Just. Love. Her.

Realize that a part of her heart feels like it’s missing and she’s struggling to move forward because her heart is in a different place than it was before.

She’s trying.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. Don’t take your babies for granted. Don’t assume that woman sobbing in the corner of the hospital room or doctor’s office can just think about trying again when she’s overcome by a cloud of grief.

She needs support. She needs to know she’s loved. Don’t push her to bottle up her emotions. She needs to know it’s okay to feel, to grieve, to mourn for a time.

While I still flashback to that encounter and rush of emotions when I enter the doctor’s office alone, I rest knowing my baby is safe in the loving arms of Jesus. And if you are currently in a state of loss and grief, just know it’s okay to ask for help.

It’s okay to think about your baby. It’s okay to hold them in your heart forever. They sure changed our hearts forever.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Lizzy M. Christian of Fire Wife Chronicles.  Follow her journey on Instagram here.  Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here.Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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