‘Without any praise we tell her, ‘You are lucky to have a man who helps.’: Mom urges ‘dads are not babysitters, they’re parents’

“You are lucky to have a man who helps.

I wish people wouldn’t say that to mothers.

Mothers are never left alone, they poop with an audience, they are busy every minute of the day and rarely have relief at night.

They are chefs, cleaners, maids, referees, appointment keepers, book keepers, accountants, taxi drivers, nurses.

THEY ARE IT ALL.

And they are someone who carries it all, no matter how heavy.

Including the mental load.

Mothers are told to be grateful on their hardest days because ‘she will miss this’ (also known as being encouraged with guilt).

On top of being a full-time parent, she is expected to look good, bang on demand, be a vixen but be respectable, be dressed immaculately, have the pressure of children who behave perfectly. Work a job. Have friends and hobbies, but not at the expense of her family. Put herself last and everyone first.

She is miraculous when she is carrying a baby in her womb but when she gives birth, she is treated like she is a second class citizen…

And yet without any praise to her, we tell her, oh you’re lucky to have a man who helps.

No. That doesn’t make her lucky.

That makes her an equal in the relationship to have a man who appreciates her and does his fair share.

Her family is lucky to have someone who does it all for them. And she should be treated as such.

Please stop telling mothers they are lucky to have men who are equal partners.

Women deserve better than that and so do men.

They aren’t uncaring or cold beings.

Dads are not babysitters, they’re not helpers, they’re parents.

Mothers are not machines, they aren’t robots.

They matter, and they deserve love and respect and a helluva lot more than, ‘You’re lucky he helps.'”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Laura:

‘I was told recently that I had ‘let myself go.’ I gave birth 18 months ago. My body is not an apology.’: Mom responds to body shamers, ‘Wear the sweatpants and the yoga pants and let yourself go!’

‘She decided at 5 a.m. that she wanted eggs. I was ready to snap. ‘Well if you can’t hack it then you shouldn’t have had kids.’: Mom suffering from sleep deprivation says ‘it’s okay for a mom to say she’s struggling’

‘Laura can do it, she’s home every day.’ I was told how hard my husband must have it. They didn’t tell me about the frustrations, the anger.’: Mom tells other stay-at-home moms ‘you are not alone’

‘I was staring at my massive basket of pre-kids clothes I refuse to throw out. ‘My body size can change.’: Woman struggling with body positivity says ‘I don’t exist to fit clothes, they exist to fit me’

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