“Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Everyone in school always knew what kind of career they wanted, what they wanted to ‘be when they grew up.’ For me, I honestly didn’t know what kind of career I wanted, but I knew, deep in my heart, I wanted to be a mom.
I had a really close relationship with my mom growing up. She made the decision when I was born to be a stay-at-home mom. She was always there for my brother and I growing up; whenever we needed her, she was there. The love and dedication she had for us and our family was shown every single day. And I wanted nothing more than to be able to do that for my own kids one day.
Fast forward, I found my soulmate, got married, and we decided together it was time to start a family of our own. Low and behold, less than 2 months later I found out I was pregnant. The joy and excitement I felt on the day I got that little plus sign on the pregnancy test is still one of the happiest moments I’ve ever had. I had a wonderful pregnancy that ended in the birth of my beautiful daughter. Life changed that day. Motherhood is a wild ride that nothing can truly prepare you for, but it was everything I ever wanted and more.
A little later, we decided the time was right to add a sibling, and about 4 months later I found myself pregnant again. My son was born shortly before my daughter turned 3. My family was complete. Looking back now, I know I was absolutely blessed to be able to have 2 smooth and healthy pregnancies. At the time I had absolutely no idea how many couples out there struggle with infertility. The fact I was able to easily get pregnant when I decided it was time, and then have smooth pregnancies didn’t seem like the miracle I now know that it was. But I was soon going to learn all about the world of infertility, in a way I never would have guessed.
When my son was about 2 and a half, I was caught up with this crazily intense feeling that I really wanted to be pregnant again. Like really, really badly. I stayed up for hours googling what life was like with 3 kids because I couldn’t really picture adding another to my family. It felt perfect just the way it was, but I soooooooo badly wanted to go through another pregnancy.
I loved being pregnant, both of my pregnancies were amazing journeys. Yes, they had their fair share of ups and downs, but both were magical in their own individual ways and I wouldn’t trade those times for anything in the world. But getting pregnant again meant adding another member to our family, and that was something I just wasn’t sure was the right thing to do. I talked it over with my hubby multiple times, and in the end we both decided our family is perfect just the way it is. Us and our two beautiful kiddos. Adding another one just didn’t feel right.
So I closed that book. I told myself I was blessed with 2 absolutely amazing pregnancies that brought my two amazing children into this world. But it was time to accept I would not go through that journey again, and I told myself I was okay with it.
I’m not going to lie, it was HARD. I didn’t want it to be over. I didn’t want to never have the excitement of peeing on those sticks and waiting anxiously to see if a line would appear. To never again feel my body change and grow as a tiny little being literally came to life inside me. To never again feel those little flutters and kicks, which would soon grow into full on karate moves at 3 a.m. To never again have the feeling of being near the end and hoping so much for it to be over while also not wanting it to end. To never again feel the excitement and nervousness that was my water breaking and knowing it was go time.
How… how could that part of my life really truly be over? But I shut it down and moved on. I had to, there was no other option. Right? But then one day I was scrolling through a group on FB and one of the girls in there shared a photo of a positive pregnancy test, and how excited she was because the baby wasn’t hers. She was a surrogate, and carrying the baby for another family.
And for a very brief second, the thought hit me. Omg, I could be pregnant again, and instead of adding a child to my own family, I could give another family the opportunity to be complete with a child of their own… the idea bounced around in the back of my mind, on again off again, not really sure if it was even there. But it was; the idea stuck, it didn’t leave.
I turned to good old Google and quickly got overwhelmed with the options and places out there. None of the websites I found made much sense or were very clear. I was starting from scratch, having absolutely NO idea how any of this even worked. I quickly got overwhelmed and just shut my computer. But, when you have a feeling, a gut desire, it doesn’t go away when you ignore it.
So, I took a chance and decided to reach out to the girl in that FB group who was a surrogate. I just wanted to know, how did she get started? Did she have any info she could share, or point me in the right direction? Within minutes she had messaged me back and was sharing all about her journey and giving me names and emails of amazing women and the Surrogacy agencies they run here in our country that she personally recommends.
I decided finding out more info wouldn’t hurt, so I sent an email off to a couple of the agencies just requesting info. And that was when this journey really started. I soon learned everything I could about Surrogacy. I had no idea there were so many families out there who were looking for a surrogate to help them create a family. So many couples, with different stories, from all over, who have all been told surrogacy is their only chance at having a child of their own.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom, and if all those years ago I had been told, ‘I’m sorry, but you will never be able to have a child,’ I can’t even imagine the amount of devastation I would have felt. But that’s the reality for so many. Roughly 1 in 6 couples in Canada struggle with some form of infertility. And for those who turn to surrogacy, there is about 1 surrogate per 12 sets of Intended Parents.
I realized I had a gift, this ability to be able to carry a child. To provide a safe and perfect place for those tiny little cells to grow into a living, breathing baby. I knew in my heart I wanted to share this gift and help create a family.
I found an amazing agency and checked all the boxes of the requirements to become a surrogate. But, my one big hurdle, more than travel and time away from home, more than injections and the possibility of outcomes, the ONE thing that was going to prevent this journey, was if my hubby wasn’t on board for this journey.
He is my partner, my other half. We have been together for over half of my life. We have been through so many ups and downs, and we somehow always seem to come out the other end strong. As much as I knew in my heart this was something I was meant to do, if he wasn’t on board, if he wasn’t with me on this, then it would be a journey we wouldn’t take. End of story.
When I got the courage to bring it up to him, the first words out of his mouth were, ‘No. No way. Not a chance.’ This conversation took a lot of twists and turns, where we both expressed our sides and feelings. And I did everything possible to see it all through his eyes. To hear his concerns and really see where he was coming from.
He saw all of this as a huge, unnecessary risk. A risk to my health, to our family. What if something goes wrong? What if the worst happens? What if I’m not the same person when I come out on the other side. He wanted to know why our family wasn’t enough for me. Why I can’t just close that door and move on.
I explained how I still had such an incredibly deep longing to be pregnant again. How I was in an amazing position where I could literally create a life, grow a tiny little being who will come into this world and change it forever for everyone around them. I know it was so incredibly hard to understand for him, but man, how can I just give up? How can I just say, ‘Okay, I’m done.’
It had nothing to do with not feeling that my family wasn’t enough. It’s almost the opposite. My family is enough, it’s perfect just the way it is. But here was this big part of me that still wanted to feel the miracle of pregnancy and birth, and if I could share that joy and experience with another couple who has no other option, why the heck would I not?
Surrogacy isn’t exactly talked about a lot, so having the right knowledge and answers to all the questions is key. I found answers to all of his questions and concerns. We talked about it, I gave him space and time to take it all in and process it. After about a month he finally said, ‘I still don’t understand why you want to do this, but I can see this is something that means a lot to you, and I will support you.’ I won’t lie, I cried.
Since then, I have matched with the most amazing couple, and we are embarking on a journey together that will change all our lives forever. I can’t even describe my excitement. And all of this never would have happened if that one girl hadn’t shared her own journey in that Facebook group. So, I wanted to share this journey with others. If I can spread some awareness, or even inspire just one other person to look into surrogacy, then I will be so grateful.
If you are curious about surrogacy, want to learn more, or see if it’s something that might be for you, come follow along with my journey on Instagram. I welcome any questions and hope to share more about this whole process.”
This article was written exclusively for Love What Matters by Karen of Saskatchewan, Canada. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Have an amazing story of your own to share? Submit it here.
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