‘We want friends who stick with us through our worst, but we bolt at the first sign of trouble.’: Woman’s candid take on being a ‘disloyal friend’

“Warning: coming in hot with this one. Watch yo’ toes cause I’m about to step all on them.

I think a giant chunk of the problem is that we want long-lasting friendships, but we aren’t willing to be a long-lasting friend.

We want grace-filled friends, but we aren’t willing to be a grace-filled friend.

We want friends who stick with us through our worst, but we bolt at the first sign of trouble.

We want friends who take the time to understand us, but we dismiss anyone and everyone at the first sign of disagreement.

We want friends who care about us enough to reach out and invite us, but we aren’t willing to be the one who takes the first step.

We want friends who forgive, but we aren’t willing to be forgiving.

We want friends who are with us until the end, but we are fickle as all get out.

Someone has one opinion you don’t like? Bye.
Someone does one thing you don’t like? Bye.
Someone makes one mistake? Bye.

Swipe left. Later, Felicia.

We don’t even have the courtesy to be upfront and honest with them and tell them how we’re truly feeling. We don’t even give them the chance to explain themselves, or give us their point of view, or apologize. We don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. We don’t give them the opportunity to struggle and come through on the other side.

We are easily offended.
We are quick to blame.
We are slooooow to forgive.

Instead, we just cut them off, move on, and then complain that we can’t find any good friends.

We are quick to point out their flaws and slow to think for two seconds that maybe we’re the one at fault, or maybe we took things the wrong way, or maybe it’s all a simple miscommunication, or maybe, just maybe, they’re going through a hard time and this is the moment they need a strong friend to step in and stand beside them, hand in hand.

Don’t let yourself be treated poorly. Don’t get stepped on. Don’t get pushed down. Don’t stay where it’s toxic. Take care of your mental health and do what you’ve gotta do.

Please, please don’t stay standing in soil where good things can’t grow. It’s a waste, but my advice is this: if you want friends who are in it for the long haul, by all means, you’d better learn to be a friend who stays.

You won’t get an always friend by being an absent friend. You won’t get a best friend by being a butthead friend.

You won’t get a dependable friend by being a disloyal friend.

You won’t get a lasting friend by being a leaving friend.

Before you do anything. Before you walk away. Before you brush off. Before you start ignoring. Before you treat her poorly, ask yourself: is this how I would want them to treat me?

Then, after you have carefully considered all sides, every angle, and each person’s perspective—act accordingly.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Amy Weatherly. Follow Amy on Twitter here. Submit your story here, and be sure to subscribe to our best love stories here.

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