“I spent years praying for a baby and now my only child was being diagnosed with a life-threatening condition. You can only imagine the feelings I had. Like most people who have questions, I took to Google.”
‘My doctors discharged me early so I could chase behind the ambulance that held my tiniest love inside. My biggest fear is living in a world without her.’
‘I found myself gasping for air. It did not matter how much I tried to breathe in, it felt as if nothing was going inside my lungs. A few days later I developed a bit of a cough. I could have died while on the mountain.’
“It took nearly 2 days before a helicopter arrived. 2 days of freaking out in subzero temperatures. I spent the entire time in a room where various people would pop their head in to make sure I was still alive.”
‘The doctor called…the blood screen came back, it’s not good.’ My heavy 22-week pregnant body fell to the floor. It’s normally at this point people want to talk about their options.’
“At worst he’ll never be able to feed himself and at best he’ll mop the floors of a fast-food restaurant one day,’ he said with a wave of his hand, dismissing any room for hope. Option 1 is you terminate the pregnancy. We don’t do that here, but we have a clinic we can send you to.”
‘I said ‘I don’t want to live anymore, my kids deserve better than this, I should have never had them and dragged them down with me’ I wanted a lifeline. I wanted that chance of hope.’
“But instead I got ‘you should feel so lucky! You are blessed.’ Imagine telling yourself you’re so worthless, you’re not deserving, that you literally mess everything you touch and feeling guilty for all of that, like a tumble dryer in your head, swirling around and then someone says, ‘be grateful’”
‘Yesterday we broke down 2 hours away from home on a busy interstate with three kids in tow. It wasn’t exactly ideal, especially with a hungry newborn. It was late, nothing was open, and we couldn’t get a rental car until the morning.’
“We called dispatch and AAA and an Alabama State Trooper showed up to help. I thought he was just going to divert traffic away from our lane, but he did so much more than that!”
‘When our son was 7 months old, we stumbled upon heroin. I never imagined my daughter would call another man ‘DaDa.’: Woman recounts losing partner to addiction
“I was covered in puke, knees scraped from the driveway. For 45 minutes I walked around holding my 3-month-old to my chest, just praying for a miracle. ‘We did everything we could, but it just wasn’t enough.’ I was living in my worst nightmare. ‘Can God give my Daddy back?’ Telling my son was the hardest thing I’d ever done.”
‘Zane got a call from a fellow soldier. He knew a young woman who was expecting a baby. She wanted a loving family for him. ‘We might be getting a baby!’ I was stunned, ecstatic, and terrified.’
“The day finally arrived. The doctor opened the door, popped his head in and said, ‘How about Monday?’ I glanced over to see her expression. ‘Sounds good!’ On the inside I was doing a full-blown happy dance. My thoughts were screaming, ‘That’s MY birthday!!! His birthday is going to be MY birthday!’”
‘I felt cold hands. He was a pastor. I laid there, stiff and mute, pretending to be asleep. ‘Get used to this. Your mom agrees it’s okay. It’s in the Bible.’
“‘I’ve gotten a vasectomy. That means you can’t get pregnant. You don’t need to worry about anything.’ He slipped 20 dollars in my pocket. ‘You’ve done good,’ he said. ‘We’re sending you back to your biological family.’ I was confused and afraid.”
‘My sister arrived to find me trying to clean up another bladder accident. She pulled out a pack of Depends. ‘Well I guess you WILL be needing these!’ I reluctantly took the pack from her, and put on the adult diaper.’
“I’m scared of finding out what’s really wrong with me; I’m scared of how fast my health is declining; I’m scared I won’t be able to be the super mom and wife I have been; I’m scared because I’m not able to work; I’m just scared!”
‘My psychologist said, ‘K, I think we need to stop. It’s clear you have so much trauma. I can’t believe you’re still here.’: Woman advocates for mental health, ‘We need to be there for each other’
“I was on a bus to work when the voice came back: ‘You should just cut yourself.’ It startled me. Then the nightmares started. I met my psychologist, a male. I told him about the stalking. I told him I watched my friend attempt suicide many times in front of me and saw death coming for her.”