Dear People Pleasers: It’s Okay To Say No If It Recharges Your Soul

“I’m an introverted mom, so sometimes I have to say no,

to the BBQ at a friend’s house,

to the concert that ALL my mom friends are going to,

to that mom’s night out that EVERYONE is talking about.

So, I miss out.

Because, yes, those things can be fun, but they also drain my soul that is already low on fuel from the day with children.

Because being a mom has no downtime. It’s constant talking, noise, and activities. It’s constantly being on.

I’ve always been a yes girl because I’m a people pleaser at heart, but when I do that, my mental health suffers.

I become overwhelmed by the day-to-day and don’t feel like myself.

So, I’d easily choose a night of writing or Netflix over a girls’ night of wine and gossip.

Because my soul needs the quiet to recharge.

So, I said no today.

I said no to dinner with friends, even though I knew I’d have a great time.

Time is finite, and as moms, we need to pick and choose what we feel we need most.

We’re putting everyone else’s needs before our own all day, so we need to be more critical of what we devote our time to at night.

Because it’s hard when the only ‘me time’ of the day exists at night after work or whatever responsibilities we have.

I used to think to be a kind human, I had to always say yes.

But saying yes and people-pleasing shows how little I valued myself and my time.

So, I’ve learned to say no to other people so I can say yes to myself.

And I’ve learned to say no for my kids because that’s how I’ll be the best mother to them.

Because I’m important, too.

And getting back to the best version of me, not only for me but also for them, is more important than missing out.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Danielle Sherman-Lazar of New Jersey. You can follow her journey on Facebook and her blog. Submit your own story here.

Read more stories from Danielle here:

‘Everything’s going to be alright,’ we whisper. She can swoop in and make it all better, but she doesn’t have superpowers.’: Mom says ‘we’re humans that struggle too’

‘We can’t forget each other. Us is where it started.’: Mom urges ‘give grace’ to your partner, ‘Your entire family will feel it’

‘We think people don’t like us. We go through all our unanswered texts. We knit-pick until we’re miserable.’: Woman shamelessly admits to being part of the ‘moms on antidepressants club’

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