โI am 1 in 4. With a quick glance, you see a special bond between a mother and her daughter. Happiness shines as a precious little girl kisses her โmommy.โ But this picture-perfect moment is far from perfect.
Only 1 child appears in this photo, but I am a mother to 3 childrenโฆ 1 triplet on earth, and 2 in heaven.
What you donโt see in this photo is the pain. The physical pain and heartache as doctors told me my daughter was born too weak to survive. The pain of holding my firstborn child, knowing that her time on earth is limited. The pain as she takes her final breath, knowing a little piece of me also died that day. The pain of planning a funeral, instead of decorating a nursery. The pain of doing it all over again, two months later after our second child passed away. The pain that lingers, years after that final goodbye.
Grief never goes away. At first, it feels as if your world is crumbling. There are days your body refuses to get out of bed, the grief weighing you down in ways you never imagined. There will always be a piece of my heart shattered without two of my triplets. But over time, I have learned how to manage the grief, even tuck that pain away, so itโs not visible on the surface.
Because thatโs what society expects us to do.
People donโt want to see me cry. Many people donโt even want to acknowledge a loss. For decades, pregnancy and child loss has been a taboo topic, something that makes people cringe and uncomfortable. It brings out a familiar face when you mention child and death, a look of sympathy, but also pity, because people canโt fathom losing a child.
But, hereโs the thingโchances are someone you know has experienced a loss. Maybe itโs a friend or neighbor. Maybe itโs your childโs teacher. Maybe itโs the woman you watch on the news.
1 in 4 women experience a lossโwhether it be through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss.
As you look at this picture, you see a loving moment between a mother and daughter, but what you donโt see is the special bond that child shares with her siblings. That necklace my daughter is admiring holds the initials of her siblings, Parker and Abby. She may not get to play with them at home, or walk side-by-side with them at school, but she knows all about her brother and sister. My daughter talks about her siblings in Heaven and sheโs not shy to share when someone asks her if sheโs an only child. My daughter is a triplet and always will be. And we see a little piece of all 3 of them within her. They will always be part of our lives.
You may only see 1 child with me, but I am the mother of 3 beautiful triplets. You may see tears and sometimes pain, but the grief has made me stronger. My children made me who I am today. I am more patient, compassionate and I wear my heart on my sleeve. My children have taught me to live each day to the fullest, for you never know what tomorrow may bring.
I am a mother to children both on earth and in Heaven. I am 1 in 4. And I am not alone.โ

This story was written by Stacey Skrysak, an award winning television journalist based in Illinois. Subscribe to our free email newsletter, Living Betterโyour ultimate guide for actionable insights, evidence backed advice, and captivating personal stories, propelling you forward to living a more fulfilling life.
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