‘Tell the truth. When you were dating your wife, and she got so comfortable that she started to pack on the pounds, you noticed.’

“Listen up, men — Tell the truth.

When you were dating your wife, and she got so comfortable with you and the status of your relationship that she started to pack on the pounds…

you noticed.

Then, when she got pregnant for the first, second, and third time, and each time her body took on it’s new larger form…

you noticed.

When your wife, post-delivery, felt embarrassed wearing hospital-issued, granny panties and feminine pads for an ungodly amount of weeks…

you noticed.

Then, when you guys went out for a date night and in addition to leaking breastmilk through her shirt, she was draped in unease and self-consciousness…

you noticed.

When your exhausted wife moved around your home, one day after the next, meticulously caring for your littles, leaving no time (or energy) for her to play with your little, big (ahem)…

you noticed.

Then, when she started to lose her

joy
spontaneity
patience
passion
faith
belief in herself
belief in your partnership

You noticed.

You noticed it all.

You noticed that she started to lose her desire to primp — not for you, but herself.

Her desire to read — not parenting, marriage or self-help books, but books for fun.

Her desire to tend to her passions — passions? What are those?

Her desire for hanky panky.

And her desire to seek excitement and contentment in any way, shape or form.

You noticed it wasn’t that she didn’t want to be and feel gleeful and grateful all the time, but it was almost like she was just too busy for such nonsense.

You noticed her losing herself inside of your home, and it’s many to-dos and in the arms of your children, where, if up to them, she would — for every hour that makes up their 24-hour day — remain.

You noticed.

And, if I’m telling the truth, that’s a stellar thing, because in reality, not all men in a relationship do.

You noticed because you were paying attention.

And though you noticed

her messy bun
tired eyes
spit-up-stained shirt
half-painted nails
saggy breasts
tummy pooch
and grumpy demeanor

Every brain cell in your head knew and understood that the woman in front of you looked different than the one you married because she was, and is.

She’s a better version of who she once was; a more authentic, unassuming and selfless one.

Listen up, men —

When your wife asks for you to tell the truth, she doesn’t need or want for you to lie to her about her top knot not looking like a ragged bird’s nest, or about the fact you loathe her muumuu.

While I encourage you to keep your meant-to-be-innocent-but-still-judgy remarks on her appearance to yourself, she’d rather you acknowledge the hot-messness that is clearly her these days, and then reassure her that the only forever truth is that you are one gentleman fool who will never stop loving her.

You see, us wives who are also mothers, and especially mothers of two or three-plus kids, we just want you to notice us and tell us the truth.

We want to be seen as we are, and appreciated as we are.

Tell us that you notice the laundry hasn’t been done in days, but that you see and appreciate us tending to work, or our two-legged, living responsibilities instead, and then, offer to help.

Tell us that you notice our tummy pooch, but that you find it impressive AF that our once-filled-full-of-too-much-sushi-and-ice cream bellies successfully carried and nourished your children for 9 long-a** months.

Tell us that you can see the gray in our hair and the bags under our eyes, but that both signify an adventurous life being well-lived.

Tell us that you notice these things about us.

We don’t need you to lie or pretend that our current reality is different than it is.

We just want to be noticed and loved for who we are and all that we are doing.

And, listen up wives —

If you have a husband who notices you, make sure he doesn’t think it goes unnoticed.

To my hubs — You’ve always noticed me, babe.

I’ve noticed that.

And, for that, I’m uber-grateful.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole Merritt of Jthreenme, where the post originally appeared. You can follow her on Facebook, her website or podcast.