‘Sometimes I just want to be alone. But when I am alone, I miss you.’: Mom reflects on the paradoxes of motherhood, ‘It’s a beautiful mess of chaos’

“‘Behind every great child is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it all up.’ — Unknown

That’s me. I’m that mother. Maybe you are, too?

There is so much noise in being a mother. And touching. And things to clean. Sometimes I just want to be alone. But when I am alone, I miss you. I feel guilty for carving out space just for me.

mother and daughter at a lake in Minnesota pointing at the water and wearing winter clothing — Courtesy of Antonia Grant

Plus, there are so many decisions. Analysis paralysis. Will she…won’t she. It never ends. And, of course, it goes too fast.

Motherhood is a beautiful mess of chaos. Dirty boots. Messy counters. Stuffies in every corner possible. All signs of it. All signs of this beautiful, messy life we share together. I’m so glad I get to be your mother.

So today, I sip my chai and think. Perhaps, just today, I can let things be. Laugh a little louder. Work a little less. Hug a little tighter. Someday, I will miss this.”

mother and daughter looking at each other while sitting on a rock at a lake in Minnesota with a light tower in the background — Courtesy of Antonia Grant

This story was submitted to Love What Matters  by Antonia Grant from Minnesota. You can follow her journey on  Instagram and her website. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.