Some Days I’m Strong, Other Days (Like Today) I’m Feeling Everything That Comes With Infertility

“I am really starting to get overwhelmed about going to the reproductive immunologist.

We owe over $1,200 on Tuesday, just for some of the blood work we are having done.

That doesn’t include the 30 other vials that are going to be sent to quest.

His office is out of network, so our deductible is $6,000.

The consent forms that they sent me to fill out said that an appointment with him is $500; the hysteroscopy with the biopsy is over $2,500.

Then follow-up appointments are like $250.

We barely have the money to cover the $1,200 we need for just the blood work.

I am so terrified to do the hysteroscopy and biopsy without any pain meds or being put under (that’s a whole other story).

I am so scared that we are going to run all these tests, do all of these procedures, and find nothing wrong.

That we find something and it costs even more for the treatment plan.

That we do everything and still miscarry.

I am terrified that he is going to look at my weight and say that is the problem.

I am scared that I am going to be put on all of this extra stuff and a strict diet and it does not help at all.

Infertility sucks, but throwing recurrent pregnancy loss on top of it all is a nightmare.

I just really wish this wasn’t our life.

I am so angry that it just can’t work for us.

I am angry that people just have sex and get pregnant and then bam 9 months later a baby comes along.

Tonight is just one of those nights where I am feeling everything that comes with infertility.

What if we never get pregnant?

What if we never stay pregnant?

What if we do all of this for nothing?

Why does it have to be so damn hard?

Why does this have to be our life?

Infertility.

Sucks.

Miscarriages.

Suck.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Brittany. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more stories from Brittany:

I Really Thought We Were Finally Getting Our Christmas Miracle

This Photo Was Taken The Night We Found Out Our IVF Round Failed

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