‘We see you as you look at the dark screen, tears running down your face, as we zoom in on her tiny heart.’: Nurse’s heart wrenching open-letter to moms of stillborn babies

Disclaimer: This story contains details of pregnancy loss that may be upsetting to some. 

“Dear Mama,

We see you.

We see you when you come to us, fighting tears, your hands slightly shaking as you sign in.

We see you when we ask you to change into a hospital gown, reassuring you we will be right back, knowing every minute feels like an eternity.

We see you when we put cold gel on your rounded belly, and place the heart monitor where your baby’s heartbeat should be.

We see you as you bite your lower lip, trying to wait patiently, as we explain it sometimes takes time to adjust the monitor.

We see you as we set the monitor down and leave the room to find the ultrasound and your doctor.

We see you grasping for your partners hand as we carefully place the ultrasound probe on your baby, searching desperately for that flutter we know means life.

We see you as you look at the dark screen, tears running down your face, as we zoom in on her tiny heart.

We see you as our heart breaks apart for you, because we know she is still.

We see you as the doctor walks in and takes one look at our face, she too knows.

We see you shaking with sobs, as we hold you tight, while the anesthesiologist attempts to ease your physical pain.

We see you as we quietly coach you to push your silent angel into this world, knowing that first cry will not come.

We see you as we place her small, perfect body on your chest. Reminding you that this was not your fault.

We see you as we wash her baby soft hair, and swaddle her for you, hoping she will look like a sleeping newborn.

We see you through our held tears while we gently press her feet into perfect footprints we know you will keep forever.

We see you as we drive home in silence, attempting to clear our mind, so when we walk through our door we can pretend we are okay.

We see you as we tuck them in, kiss their heads and smell their hair, knowing you may never get to experience this moment.

We see you in every mother who will leave our care with empty arms.

Yes mama, we see you. We see your loss, we feel your heartache, we remember you.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Amanda Poulson of Salt Lake City, UT.  Submit your own story here.

Read more stories like this here:

‘Omg, I still have to have the baby.’ It was the worst realization. My first experience with birth would be giving birth to death.’: Woman births stillborn due to knot in the umbilical cord, ‘I got my little girl but at the same time, I didn’t’

‘Our angel was beautiful. The most precious lips, tiny button nose. I memorized every inch of her. We sobbed.’: Mom says there was a ‘calm presence’ as she delivered stillborn daughter, ‘Our time with her will never feel like enough

‘Are you serious? I’m going to be a dad!’ Then all of it was gone, just gone! I tried to stay strong, but all I could do was cry.’: Dad emotionally recalls pain of stillborn son, ‘My heart was full knowing I got to hold my little boy’

‘Good thing you didn’t get attached.’ He wasn’t a puppy. Jensen was my child, my sweet baby. I’ll always be attached.’: Mother recalls rude comments she’s heard since her son was stillborn, ‘Do not compare anything to losing a child’

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