“I’m the mom to a sex-positive family.
To many families the word ‘sex’ is classified as rude.
Sex Education is seen as some horrific stealing of children’s innocence.
I hear words like moomoo, mini, and winkie used to describe private parts. Why?
We don’t call a nose a ‘pointy facey.’
Penis.
Urethra.
Scrotum.
Testicles.
Labia.
Vulva.
Vagina.
Clitoris.
Anus.
None of these are bad words, and my kids know them all.
I was horrified recently to find out just how many fully grown women didn’t know all the names for their own anatomy! As ADULTS, they had never learned!
My children are 5, 7, and 8.
They all know how babies are made and birthed. They know about contraception. They know about menstruation and puberty and even about menopause.
They know about masturbation.
They know sex isn’t for children and they also know it can be pleasurable for adults.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like we sit at the dinner table discussing this (although we have discussed it there!) every evening. But they have questions and we answer those questions as they’re asked. Completely, openly, and honestly.
‘Mommy, what is this?’
‘That is a condom. Adults sometimes put a condom over the penis and it catches the sperm like a bag. That way the woman can’t become pregnant. It also stops sexually transmitted diseases and infections.’
In our family, we often view these conversations as a ladder. Starting simply and giving them the chance to go deeper into it only if they choose. Often their curiosity is satisfied early on and we stop for a while, but then they have questions later and so we re-visit it.
Rung one…
‘How are babies made?’
‘Males produce sperm in their testicles and females release eggs during ovulation. If the sperm meets an egg then a baby might be made.’
Rung two…
‘Oh, how does it grow?’
‘It grows into an embryo inside a womb. Just about here! Shall we watch a video?’
It could be rung ten before they ask the question that tends to make most adults uncomfortable.
‘How does the sperm get to the egg?’ ‘An adult male will put his penis inside an adult female’s vagina and they have sex. Sperm is released and that can make a baby. There are ways to stop this by using contraception, but that is how babies are made.’
We also talk about how same-sex couples can have babies and ways in which they can conceive. I want them to know that children are not limited to male and female couples.
We talk about consent, pedophiles, boundaries, respect, grooming, feelings. None of it needs to be seen as terrifying or ‘bad’ to discuss. In fact, it can keep them safe if they understand these concepts.
Using correct terms is important so that children can properly communicate about their bodies. This can be as simple as being able to explain where they are a bit sore from not wiping properly or something more serious like communicating abuse. And it’s just not necessary to teach them something that is incorrect!
Teaching them about consent, boundaries, grooming, and pedophiles means they can better recognize these things. They can also better understand their body belongs to them and them alone and they need to respect other people’s bodies as well.
Mostly though, for us, it’s about doing away with the taboo of Sex Education and allowing these things to be the norm. So as they grow they know we can talk openly and honestly (or that I will send them in the direction of good information if they prefer not to actively discuss it with me).
So many children learn about these things from the children in their playground and they receive so much misinformation. That or they stumble across things online, not able to understand what it is they have seen.
Recently, I read an article that stated the average age for children to search porn is 11 years old, with many being younger. The problem is they are learning many of these concepts I mentioned above, whether you like it or not.
However, YOU have the decision for them to learn about it in a positive and healthy way. At least by being open and honest, we can control the harmful information out there, and our children can reach adulthood knowing the names to their own ‘private parts.'”
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This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nic Bescoby. You can follow her journey on Facebook. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
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