Marriage Is Not About Giving 50/50

“I will never forget something our pastor said to us when we were going through premarital counseling many years ago.

‘A marriage isn’t two people each giving 50%,’ he said. ‘It’s two people each giving 100%.’ This hit me. Hard.

I had always thought of relationships as 50/50 propositions. You each give. And you each take. You try to make it as equal as possible. Right?

Wrong. It is give. And it is take. This is correct.

But it isn’t giving half of yourself. It’s giving all of yourself.

‘It’s two people giving everything they can to each other. It’s two people trying their best to love each other well, each and every day. Does the give and take always look equal? No. But it all balances out. It’s a beautiful dance.’

You may hear this 100% giving of yourself and think, that sounds nice in theory, but do you know how exhausted I am? After caring for the kids. And my house. And my job. And all of the things. I am lucky to give 5%. It may feel this way.

But giving 100% doesn’t mean you are giving perfection. It simply means you are trying your best. Just like we tell our kids when they get a lower grade than they wanted on a test. Did you try your best? Did you give it your all? That’s all we ever ask.

Marriage is two imperfect people loving each other. Supporting each other. Listening to each other. Accepting each other. Giving each other grace. Lots. And lots. And lots of grace.

It’s picking up the slack when the other person needs it most.

It’s letting go of past mistakes. And not holding grudges.

It’s living in the moment. And addressing concerns as they arise.

It’s owning your mistakes. And saying I’m sorry.

And forgiving. Just as you long to be forgiven.

What I give every day isn’t based on what my husband is giving to me. And this is the most beautiful part of the dance. I give 100% because of the love I have for him. And he gives 100% because of the love he has for me.
And back and forth and back and forth it goes.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Jennifer Thompson of Truly Yours, Jen. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos. 

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