‘Life gets loud. Pay attention to the nudges in marriage. The cues. Don’t ignore them, don’t fight them.’: Woman urges ‘you can’t put your spouse on the backburner’

“‘Okay. Bye.’

That’s what our marriage needing work sounds like.

You see, we are still that couple that (even after twenty years) do not go the length of ourselves without telling the other we love them. That’s just the way we roll.

Going to work? ‘Okay. Love you! Bye!’
Going out with friends? ‘Okay. Love you! Bye!’
Going to the grocery store? ‘Okay. Love you! Bye!’

Marriage needing work? ‘Okay. Bye.’

You know that line on the side of the highway that sets your road boundary? That one that allows you to know that you’ve went far enough, without totally risking running your car into the ditch?

Well, ‘Okay. Bye.’?

That is our line.
Our boundary.
A big ol’ red flashing sign, if you will, that screams:

‘Caution. Danger should you decide to proceed.’

Once we brush upon it, it allows us to know that we’ve went too far.

And that it’s time to straighten ourselves out, and get back on that road.

After three children and twenty years together, it is the listening to those cues that have allowed us to stay strong – and stay together.

They’re kinda like little nudges from the big guy, if you will. A little reminder that if we stay on the course that we’re headed, we would be traveling into uncharted territory for our marriage (like that ditch). And we don’t know what could happen there.

Maybe we would crawl out together.
Maybe we wouldn’t.

But listening to those little nudges ensures this doesn’t happen.

Because can we be honest for a moment?

Sometimes life gets loud. And crazy. And hectic. And between careers, parenthood, maintaining a home…just LIFE? Well, sometimes the noise can make us guilty of putting our marriage on the back burner. More of an afterthought to the running of our day, if you will.

When really? Him and I? And our marriage?

We function better when we are in front stage. Centre stage. Every time. That’s where we belong. For the stronger we are, the stronger everything else around us is.

So sometimes? Yup. Admittedly, those nudges are needed.

And they don’t always look like ‘Okay. Bye.’ Nope. For us, they could also look like not cuddling at bedtime. Waking up at whatever hour throughout the night, and I’m either cuddled into his back or him to mine.

If we’re not? Nudge.

We never prepare a coffee, snack, or meal in the kitchen without asking the other if they want anything.

If we don’t? Nudge.

We never go a day without communicating in some way or another, whether it’s a text message, a phone call, or that Rachel McAdams GIF (the one where she signs out ‘I love you.’ Family Stone, for life).

If we don’t? Nudge.

Pay attention to the nudges, friends. To the cues. Don’t ignore them. Don’t continue to fight through them. Say ‘I love you’ first. Prepare them a snack with yours. Send that sweet Rachel McAdams GIF.

Whatever your nudge looks like to you, just do it.

For if your relationship is strong enough to be sensing nudges?

It is worth keeping out of that ditch.”

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This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Heather Delaney of Love Always, Heather. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

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