“It happened today. I saw my husband messaging a woman I didn’t recognize.
He was taking a shower after a long day with our kids. He also happened to leave his phone on the table. Unlocked.
I never go on his phone, as I don’t feel the need to. We have been together for almost ten years, have two children together, and he has always been there for me, even at my absolute lowest. But for some reason, I felt compelled to look in his messages.
I open it up and go to the only thread I care about. Mine, and his. I scroll up, hoping to see some cute old messages we had sent each other a few months back. I wanted to re- read them, to make me smile. But what I saw, made me want to cry.
The woman he was texting, who I didn’t recognize, was me. It was a version of me, that I had forgotten about. It was me, but different. It was me, but the kind I had forced myself to forget about. It was the woman I had been trying to escape from, for years.
As I read our old messages, I could feel the pain in my texts to him. I was talking about some pretty dark things. It was how I felt, a few months back. Life wasn’t on my side, and I was venting to him about it.
This version of me, was not the best version. It was a very broken woman. A woman who had been through a lot of mental pain. I was talking in ways I don’t understand now.
The woman I am now is nothing like the woman I saw my husband messaging. I think that’s how you know you have grown.
Depression can make you feel like you’re not getting any better, you’re not making any progress, or you’ll be stuck in that dark cloud forever.
But when you find stuff like that, where you don’t even recognize the old you, that’s how you know you’re getting there.
Little by little. Day by day.
I saw my husband texting another woman today.
And I don’t recognize her at all.
I’m so glad I don’t.”
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This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Caitlin Fladager. You can follow her journey on Facebook and Instagram. Submit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.
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