‘I started to compare her to the other two and blame myself. Somehow, I was responsible.’: Mom talks importance of not comparing your children to others

“Today, I realized the anguish comparing your child does.

I remember, when Luca was born, I tried really hard to push him, so he could be like other kids — which never worked.

Then, when I had my second child, Sofia, I didn’t have time to care what other kids were doing. I worked with her for her.

By my third, I stopped caring.

I realized the pressure just wasn’t worth it. I knew he’d get there when he was ready.

I say it to all my friends with kids. They will do it all in their own time. Don’t rush. Don’t compare. Don’t worry.

And, I’ve seen it with my own three children. I raised them all the same. I had vaginal births with two, and one c-section.

I did my best to breastfeed, and I gave them formula.

I did my best to socialize them and teach them, and I let them watch TV and play on their iPads.

I fed them vegetables, and I fed them nuggets and take-out just as much.

Luca developed in his own time. James, my third… well, he smashed milestones.

And Sofia, well… we were told today, she has development issues and autistic traits. Albeit, she is wonderful and quirky.

But, I did question myself. It’s natural, as mothers, to question ourselves and wonder what we did wrong. I started to compare her to the other two and blame myself, like somehow raising all three exactly the same meant I was  responsible. But, I wasn’t.

Because I realized, and I know, I loved them. I love them. All the same. I gave them and give them all the best of me, and sometimes the worst, but every day I try damn hard.

I realized it doesn’t matter about breastfeeding or not, sitting up, taking steps or walking — every child is unique. Truly unique. They develop in their own special ways. Some need no help at all, and some need extra.

But, all need love. And, I can say with all my three, I have given them love in abundance.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza, where it originally appeared. Follow Laura on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Laura: 

‘When I say I need a break, it’s because I am breaking. A break so I can put my pieces back together, and be the mother I want to be.’: Mom explains what ‘I need a break’ really means

‘You called me over and over. I yelled at you. ‘What do you want?!’ Your little eyes looked up at me and said, ‘Sorry mommy.’: Mom says ‘we both deserve kindness at our most difficult time’ after snapping at son

‘She showed me the texts, shaking. ‘My son and his friends were planning to splash a milkshake on her face.’: Mom urges ‘bullying affects everyone’

‘It’s normal to not be ‘in love’ with your husband forever. That’s not really love, anyway.’: Woman reminds that ‘love isn’t a chore. We choose each other, in spite of it all’