‘I never thought I’d need relationship counseling.’: Wife admits marriage after kids is hard, requires marrying the man who will put ‘you, family’ first

“After children, after marriage, you have to find a new normal.

Text messages aren’t butterfly provoking; date nights are few. Stolen kisses become less.

It’s a big deal to come back from it and it is hard. I never thought I’d need relationship counseling, but I don’t see it as such a bad thing anymore. When you get married and have kids, you have to learn a new way to communicate. How to love.

How to appreciate.

Suddenly you realize love isn’t about the biggest bunch of flowers or throwing rocks at windows.

It’s not about looks, money, a perfect body, superficialities. Grand gestures of Hollywood love.

You realize love is 3 a.m, your children are calling out for you. After being with them all day. After holding a teething baby all day, and feeling like you can’t go on, he gets up and he goes to them.

And you fall back asleep.

It’s the peck before work and the I love you every morning, without fail. Or a text message saying, ‘It’s late, takeaway for dinner?’ Bringing home my favorite chocolate and making sure my car is always filled with fuel.

When people told me they wanted to get married I’d say, why? Everything changes, don’t do it. You lose love.

I was so wrong.

I lost the value to appreciate all the ways love shows itself. I was the one who lost the love.

Now I say get married, have children, do it. But marry the guy who will be a father to your children.

Who will get up at 3 a.m., who will let you put your cold feet him on his legs, who will wait at the pharmacy to pick up your anti-depressants.

Marry the man who will appreciate all the ways you show him love, making a coffee in the morning, taking the kids out so he can watch the game.

Be with a man who will put you first, who puts your family first, who will appreciate you, and when you both forget to appreciate the love you have, who will be patient enough with you until you realize, and who will love you even when you struggle to like each other.

Fall in love and marry someone who can handle loving all different women, the girl you are, the woman you are, and all of the versions in between.

All of you.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza, where it originally appeared. Follow Laura on Instagram here. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.

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