‘I didn’t know this was the last time. I miss you.’

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Eliza Murphy: Jun 10, 2019Updated: Nov 29, 2022

“I didn’t know this would be the last time I nursed you to sleep. I would have soaked in the moment, if only I knew.

I didn’t know this was the last night I would rock you to sleep in this well-worn rocking chair. I wish I would have held you longer.

I didn’t know that one day I would be stroking your sweet baby cheeks and the next, I would be staring at a face so changed, as the years melted away your cherub cheeks and gave you defined and unique features, just as beautiful and handsome. I wish I had stared just a little while longer, before I dozed off beside you.

I didn’t know that after all the times I wished you would sleep through the night, suddenly you would, and I would miss you.

I didn’t know that one day you wouldn’t ask me to help pick out your clothes anymore. You’re quite proud of your style now and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I didn’t know that one night you wouldn’t ask for a bedtime story anymore, because you were reading your great big chapter book and just wanted to chat and have mommy time instead. I wouldn’t have rushed so much.

I didn’t know this would be the last time you held my hand crossing the road, because you’re much too big now and ‘You know the safety rules.’ Just the same, I’ll always be looking out for your well-being and safety.

I didn’t know that one moment you would be in Kindergarten and the next, you would be in 5th grade and it would only feel like I blinked.

I didn’t know that all the days of you asking me for my time, would turn into me asking you for yours. I’ll never be too busy, my child.

I didn’t know how fast the years would fly by. I couldn’t have known when all our last times would occur, but now I have what will feel like only a few more years of last times to try to cherish and so many moments that are to become memories to live. I didn’t know I could love anyone as much as I love you.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Tabitha Yates, a blogging, homeschooling, full time Mama to 3 kids in Southern Arizona. You can follow her work on her Facebook page or blog. Submit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.