“‘Mom, I’m gay!’ were the words she yelled at me after I caught a boy in the house without permission. She was 14 at the time. I yelled back to her about breaking the rules of the house and being responsible. I yelled back about giving this boy the wrong idea and reminded her whose house it was. I yelled back a lot and I told her she was grounded.
But, I never yelled at her because she was gay. In fact, I knew she was gay when she was 2. Call it mother’s intuition or whatever you want. Her choice of words, hobbies, toys, and clothes were already defining themselves by then in my advanced and beautiful baby girl. She walked early, she talked early, and she definitely was what we like to call ‘strong-willed.’ There isn’t an identification marker on gay humans, just like there isn’t on straight ones, obviously, but there were characteristics my daughter possessed that led me to believe very early on she was less than feminine, yet a super-strong feminist.
So no, I really wasn’t sidelined when she blurted out through tears and frustration.
A Mother’s Fear
‘Mom, I’m gay!’ Let me be real though. Those words, that confirmation, still pierced me like a knife. Yes, I had dreams early on of her walking down an aisle in a beautiful white dress on her wedding day. Yes, I wondered what my grandbabies would look like someday. Those dreams weren’t hard to alter when I realized they were mine and not hers. I knew I would be just as happy seeing her at the end of an aisle waiting for her bride with a white top hat on wearing a silly pair of socks only she could pull off. And while the verdict is still out on grandbabies, I am fulfilled to the max on the grand fur-babies I have. Her happiness is what matters most. Yet at that time, there was a small part of me that wished she wasn’t gay, but not for the reasons you may think.
The reason those words felt the way they did is because as a mother, as a protector, and as someone who loves her more than anyone else in this entire world, I realized in her ‘being out’ and living her truth she would be judged, scrutinized, and potentially not given a chance by others. I was sickened by the thought of an ignorant parent not allowing my daughter to hang out with their daughter in fear of my daughter ‘making them gay.’ I was scared people would call her names and ridicule this beautiful soul I had been trying my hardest to protect from the rough elements of the world from the moment she was born. I couldn’t imagine the light in her not being able to shine because of rejection.
I knew again, that her living her truth could surface unimaginable hatred in others. I was absolutely devastated at that moment because I knew the world was not always a kind place and the unfortunate reason circled solely around people in it. I also knew she would have to experience, at the very least, most of this firsthand, and there was nothing I could do to protect her. My heart broke because of bravery. What do you even call something like that? Mixed emotions are fickle though because, in my fear, I was also so very proud of her! I wish I told her that then.
God Is Love
I grew up in a Christian household and attended a private Christian school growing up. I am still a Christian, a spiritual one now, not a religious one. That’s important to understand. I have read the Bible myself many times and I have meditated in prayer to hear the soft whisper of God on many occasions in my life. I am hesitant on leaving the interpretation of the word (Bible) to a person at a pulpit, since it is actually only their interpretation, but absolutely respect leaders when they encourage their congregations to read the word and interpret it for themselves.
I say all of this because I know there is strong controversy regarding the gay community and Christianity. Let me be clear as I briefly touch base on this. GOD LOVES MY DAUGHTER! God loves every gay person, every LGBTQ+ person, because God loves everyone! How do I know this? Because I read the Bible myself and in it, it says, ‘God is love’ (reference 1 John 4:8). There is nothing else for God to be. Love is not just a characteristic of God like it is in us. It is just who God is, and when we love, that is God coming out in us. It’s really that simple. All love is God! So whatever love you have, you experience, you give or receive, to whomever or with whomever, there is where you find God, where you experience God, and where you are God-like. Fellow Christians, this is not debatable, it is written.
So with all the love I have in me, with all the God I have in me, I love my daughter. I always have and I always will. I have loved her the longest. As my oldest, she taught me love for the past 25 1/2 years! She is an amazing human who cares immensely about the earth and animals. She is a voice of reason and a place of calm. She is quick-witted and, my God, is she resilient. She has thick skin and is the most authentic and transparent person I know.
She is thoughtful and brave. She will speak up when everyone else wants to shut down. She has overcome statistics and situations that were stacked against her from the day she was born, when I made the decision to have her as a teen, single mom. God equipped her well, not me, God. She is an advocate for so many and talented in so many ways. She is gifted and wise (well beyond her years) and I can’t imagine God giving all of this to someone he rejects. Because he doesn’t, and neither do I.
I am so proud to be a ‘PRIDE’ mom. I am blessed beyond measure to have a front-row seat and watch in absolute amazement what it’s like to live your entire truth authentically, and I’m also admittedly learning how to do this through her example. She has given me a strength she will never know because the fire that burns in her will always ignite me. For that, I am forever grateful.
I don’t write this to change minds. I write this to spread the truth.
My daughter is gay and God loves her!
My daughter is gay and I love her!
My daughter is gay and is immensely loved!
My daughter is my first and forever,
PRIDE and joy!”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Tia Hawkins from Virginia Beach, VA. You can follow her journey on Facebook, Instagram and her blog. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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