“They say when people drown, it’s silent. Nobody around them can see them, hear them, or help them. The person drowning is slipping further and further beneath the surface, slowly suffocating. That’s what it felt like. I was drowning every day, suffocating, desperate for a breath, watching to the world around me carry on, with no idea that I was dying. But no matter how hard, I always choose to keep going.”
“I begged him to please pull over, but he kept driving. It was quite clear this man’s intentions were not good.”
“My mother was convinced I had the same condition she had called Endometriosis. She kept taking me back to the doctor and pushing for more investigations. Each time the doctor would dismiss us both, treating her as the overbearing mother and me as the attention-seeking teenage girl.”
“It’s been two years of pumping my body full of every hormone you can imagine. One to make me ovulate, one to stop ovulating. Birth control pills to control your cycle, then hormones to throw you into menopause. Estrogen pills, patches, vaginal suppositories, and injections.”
“The process of getting pregnant with someone else’s baby is equally terrifying and exhilarating.”
“One of our favorite things to do was go on long walks. I made up my mind I would do everything in my power to make her life as normal as possible. As long as my legs are still strong enough to walk, Jan and I will still have those long walks in the woods. Where there is will, there is always a way.”
“I fell at 125mph.”
“I hit my breaking point when I found myself on the floor hyperventilating and crying. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had no idea what to do with a newborn, even though I’d done it before.”
“Every day I walk past this room, I am reminded once more you aren’t here with us. But no matter what happens, this room will continue to be yours until you decide you’re ready to come into this world.”
“I noticed voicemails on my home phone. Everyone had our cell numbers, so I couldn’t imagine who could have called our house and left not one, but three messages. Surprisingly, it was my doctor. ‘Something doesn’t look right.’ She wanted me to call her back, but didn’t say any more than that.”
