“‘You’re going to find the perfect outfit. Your body just birthed a human, be easy on yourself.’ I could feel the tears creeping in, the familiar burn in the bridge of my nose. This time I knew the root of it was different. I cried for all the years I spent hating my body. For all of the years hiding behind throw pillows and purses. I did something that, before, would have been out of the question. I told them the truth.”
“While out walking the dog on Saturday morning, just days after my last daughter left the nest, I got a call from my oldest child. ‘He’s here. He’s been born!’ In the span of just 24 hours, I was forcibly retired from the only job I’d ever wanted, and thrust into a role I had no idea how to do.”
“I spent 10 years numbing my pain, always trying to be the loudest in the room to hide the shame. In the depths of my darkness, being a young mom just wasn’t an option. The party life was for me. Until I met Eric. We met on an online dating app, then locked eyes at the gym, not knowing the other would be there. I knew instantly I would spend the rest of my life with him. I had to make a decision: be ashamed of my journey, or allow it to propel me forward.”
“I went to my ex’s wedding. His fiancé asked me to be there with them, so I went. I was terrified. ‘Wow, a woman who hardly knows my daughter is going out of her way to welcome her back home?’ That was the moment I realized, she is the one for my ex and our daughter.”
“He was lifeless and pale. The clock was ticking. All we could do was pray and hold his little hand. Sitting beside his hospital bed, 3 genetic doctors in white coats rushed in. ‘Can we go to a private room to talk?’ I walked down the hallway in a fog. ‘We were wrong. It’s severe. He will never live independently on his own.’ Soon after, he had a stroke and began seizing up. This was the worst-case scenario. It was really happening.”
“I’m not saying I don’t love my family. I’m not saying I wish I didn’t have children. I need to feel like me, just for a moment.”
“It hurt. I’m not going to lie. She is a beautiful lady, successful in her career, parents well, and her daughter is adorable. This is a mom I looked up to.”
“Our precious Amie was approaching her next open heart surgery. ’Wanna play hooky from school?’ She excitedly said, ‘Yes!’ I secretly handed the next note to one of the most amazing difference-makers ever. He wanted to introduce the ‘celebrity’ on board. The look on her face was beyond amazing. This would be the last adventure we would ever be able to take together.”
“How do I make people see the beauty I see?”
“In a panic now, I pray. I put my hands up to my bloody mouth and pray long and hard and more fervently than I have ever prayed before. I can’t go back. I won’t. ‘Please help me.’ I will not look behind me anymore. There is no going back. I must break free from the cage I have held my self in for so long.”
