“The years and years of crying every month over another negative test, money thrown into another procedure that didn’t work, watching literally everyone I know get pregnant and the one thing I yearned for, still not happening. All of those things were worth it, to hear that I was carrying a child inside of me.”
“I thought I’d pop in and check on my son. My child is a happy child and lights up when he sees me. I got there and he was asleep on the couch. I tried waking him up and he would barely open his eyes. knew something was wrong. When I began examining his head, I noticed it was swollen. Richard said my son fell off a rocking chair, but that my son was ‘acting fine’ so he didn’t call me.”
“A dark thought crossed my mind. ‘Maybe David will die, and we’ll be able to forget this whole thing ever happened.’ As soon as that thought came, it was quickly followed by another. ‘God, please, please don’t let my baby die!’”
“Our babysitter is expecting her first. I thought about stuff I want to tell her in preparation for motherhood. And then I got home and unloaded 17 bags of groceries that somehow did not include the ONLY two items I specifically needed. Probably should warn preggo about that.”
“I woke up 15 minutes later, still delirious when my doctor opened the door. I sat in silence. Click…click…click. The silence continued. I knew something wasn’t right. I put one arm on his back and one over my eyes and began to sob. I am a ‘fixer’ and I couldn’t fix this.”
“It was horrific. Todd and I decided to separately seek counseling. We were no longer in a relationship, but we knew that we had to be the best co-parents to the girls. That same year, we were engaged to be married on our original wedding anniversary…again.”
“It started like any other cold. Runny nose, sniffles, a light headache. ‘I don’t feel good, mom,’ she complained that morning, 5 days before. ‘Me neither,’ I groaned. I was suffering as well, and I assumed we both had the same thing.”
“But they fail to mention how that baby grows. That little one who once rested so perfectly upon your chest doesn’t fit there quite so well anymore. And you forget to hold the baby. But that babe, your growing babe, still needs you.”
“They expected her last breath to happen any moment. An hour goes by. A nurse still by my side waiting to call time of death. The doctors are shocked. We all are. We were not expecting this.”
“But as I would learn, I wasn’t actually alone.”
