“We were out shopping when an older woman approached me about my 5 kiddos. I’ve never minded the curiosity. After asking all of their ages, I said, ‘And another one on the way!’ Then, one of my 3-year-old twins had some extra information to share.”
‘My mama’s baby is going to come out of her crotch and it’s going to hurt! Then it’s going to eat milk from her boobies!’ My younger mom-self would have died. But, she’s not WRONG.’
‘I was woken by a call. ‘There is something wrong with Twin B.’ Seeing the name on my caller ID made my heart leap out of my throat. How could this happen to my little, happy fighter?’
“I was trying to wrap my head around it. How does a twin, leave the other twin behind? How do we live on without her? We received another call in the middle of the night. ‘She isn’t moving the right side of her body.’ Nothing was going to stop her.”
‘Doctors couldn’t figure out why I was so unlucky, they would tell my mom she was worried for nothing, kids my age are always sick. My mom knew something wasn’t right.’
“My mom noticed a hump on one side of my back but didn’t think anything of it. 3 weeks later the hump grew bigger.”
‘My wife sat me down. ‘We are going to adopt.’ l couldn’t bear letting her down. I wanted to yell out, ‘That’s not fair to the child.’ I had my first panic attack.’
“Despite my ‘advanced maternal age,’ everything looked great. We naively thought getting pregnant would be easy for us. I felt stuck in the middle of two worlds.”
‘You have cancer? Lemon water will cure you. You have cancer? Just think positive, only negative people die from cancer.’
“A loved one recently said, out of the blue, ’Christa, for insomnia, limit your screen time before bed, get exercise, and eat well.’ I looked at him, with one cocked eyebrow and said, ‘Yes, I’ve been doing those things.’ Thanks Captain Obvious.”
‘I remember screaming into the phone, ‘I need help!’ Please get me help! I don’t know what’s wrong with her.’ Minutes go by and he hasn’t called. I’m starting to really panic.’
“I remember everything getting quiet and realizing my daughter wasn’t crying or screaming any longer. The only sound was me crying. At this point, she is in my arms, up on my shoulder, but her face is nuzzled in my chest and I can’t see her.”
‘I finally turned to my mother, unsure of wanting to know the truth, and hesitantly asked, ‘Mom, am I going to die?’
“Before me, on a poorly lit screen, was a prognosis I never expected to read. Every website shattered my heart as I scanned the same words over and over, desperately hoping to read a different outcome.”
‘I will never forget her eyes. She looked directly at me, shouting to get the doctor. ‘What’s going on, what’s happening?’ ‘The cord is hanging out of you.’ ‘What does that mean?’
“I’m rolling down the hall looking at lights in the ceiling as I go by. I wake up and Jade’s standing there with Layla. But something isn’t right. I’m keeping a secret from everyone.”
‘I was told I was ‘switched at birth.’ I lost who I was, I was stripped of belonging. She kept saying, ‘I’m so sorry,’ like someone had died.’: Woman finds herself while searching for biological parents
“’I promise to help you find your father when you turn at 18.’ When the time came, she refused to help. She let me go on this wild goose chase when she knew the truth all along. I decided to take a DNA test.”
‘The doctors said, ‘Good luck. There is no cure.’ I didn’t think I was going to make it. My siblings were scared for me.’
“I felt so relieved when class was over. I’d quickly get in the car hoping no one would notice my mom still picked me, a 20 year-old adult, up from school. I was embarrassed and ashamed.”