‘Be polite to men who hit on you.’ WE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.’: Woman explains why ‘the narrative needs to change’

“See Shannon’s video here:

@tiktokbabydoc@jackieloweshow Reality is being polite wont stop what is happening to us. Think about why we arent being polite instead of their “hurt” feelings.♬ Bop – HipHop Beats

I realize this is not my typical content, but I feel it is important to share my experiences.

The video I stitched said women need to be polite to men who hit on them, and to ‘not be a bummer.’ Not only is this disappointing in content, it is disappointing coming from a woman. She is essentially placing blame on women who may not be polite in these situations without any consideration for WHY they aren’t polite.

So I offered MY WHY…

The reality is, it does not matter if we are polite or not. We continue to be victimized, assaulted, stalked, and preyed upon. The truth is WE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. The problem is with people feeling entitled to a certain response and being unable to accept rejection without exhibiting aggressive and/or predatory behavior or feeling emasculated.

Telling women they need to be polite only further victimizes them by telling them THEY are responsible for someone else’s bad behavior, their inability to ‘read the room,’ and their lack of respect for boundaries.

This narrative needs to change.

Along the same lines, I realized once I became a mom teaching kids to ‘be polite’ only reinforces this expectation. While my kids ARE taught to not be rude, they ARE NOT expected to be polite to just anyone. They will never be expected to be ‘polite’ to make the other person feel better. They have the right to feel the way they feel.

The stories I share in this video are only the tip of the iceberg, but I think my point was made. I wish I didn’t ever have to do a 180 in how I responded in these situations, but eventually, in my mind, this was the only way to protect myself.

I hope anyone who watches this video knows you do not owe ANY person who ‘hits on you’ ANY type of ‘proper’ response.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself.

Share your story with us. Let’s change the narrative together.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Shannon M. Clark. You can follow her journey on Instagram and TikTok. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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