Sonia Beltz is a former digital editor for Love What Matters based near Dayton, Ohio. She holds a bachelor’s degree in English and Creative Writing from the University of Iowa. In her free time, you can find her writing, reading, or researching random historical facts online. Follow her on Instagram at @skatbel.
“’Hey, I was thinking…’ I am the queen of crazy ideas. This was a single father with five children, ages 12 to 1. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t even hesitate.”
“I had to navigate the chaos alone. When I finally got to see my fiancé, he was hurt and confused. I was 75 pounds.”
“I watched as they wheeled his small body out of the room, shattered I hadn’t even been able to touch my baby. Suddenly, I had to provide for myself and my son. Motherhood already looked nothing like I had expected.”
“‘The entire bottom of her tongue is connected to the bottom of her mouth.’ Her angry wails became a high-pitched scream of pain. I turned away. Tears poured down my face; it took all my willpower not to stop the procedure. The feel of her lips on my skin brought back painful, traumatic memories.”
“‘If I have no prospects by the time I’m thirty, I’ll have a baby on my own.’ I was stagnant. I hated the person staring back at me in the mirror. All I had to say was, ‘I was wrong.’”
“I went on a crazy number of first dates. Internet dating, speed dating, blind dates, an array of apps. I knew what I wanted. I was ready to be a mom. After years of unsuccessful dating, I started to worry I was going to miss out on motherhood altogether. I needed to take matters into my own hands.”
“’When do you think you’ll have more kids?’ I spent every day thinking about it, worrying about it. It was exhausting. All our eggs were literally in 1 basket, and it failed, again. I shredded anything that said the birth mother’s name. ‘I WILL have a baby this year.’”
“The phone call came early afternoon. I should have known something was wrong. ‘Excuse me? I’m not even supposed to be at risk.’”
“A guy came running at my truck yelling for me to stop. The nerve! My anger hit an all-time high. This was going to end in tears and disappointment from my boy. I was absolutely astonished.”
“I was born with drugs and alcohol in my system and severely underweight. It just felt like I belonged to them. It was something in my eyes; I was made to be their daughter. ‘You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with what we had to deal with.’ But I always felt like something was missing.”
