Amanda Doulos is a digital editor for Love What Matters based in New York City. She will graduate from Binghamton University with a Bachelor of English Literature and Spanish in Spring 2023. She loves staying involved as vice president of the mock trial team and secretary of Spanish Honor Society. In her free time, she loves reading, traveling, and spending time with friends.
“I viewed infertility as a problem to be solved. ‘If you choose to adopt, your child will always have two sets of parents and families. You’re just going to have to deal with it.’ So much for a spoonful of sugar with our medicine. I scribbled out ‘adoption’ as a choice.”
“I changed my name and perfected my accent. No one knew about my past. I exercised, dieted, tanned, toned, concealed, and accentuated—all for attention. Then I noticed muscle weakness. At that moment, I knew.”
“Doctors thought she was blind, but I knew she was autistic. I needed to show her autism could be a gift. Running was the answer to how I was feeling. I downloaded an app, gathered equipment, and our adventure began.”
“I spent most of my life at war with my body. I heard one of the girls utter the word, ‘Pig.’ Me. They thought I looked like a pig. I looked in the mirror and realized I didn’t look like them. I was different.”
“Would you believe me if I told you a tick the size of a poppy seed destroyed my life? I’d go around my perfectly clean room shouting, ‘Dirty! It’s dirty!’ I jumped out the first story window of my house. The pain was too much.”
“I went into the hospital, screaming how intense the pain was. The staff took my parents out of the room to ask, ‘Is she pretending to be ill for attention?’ I thought once I was diagnosed, all this would change.”
“At age 20, I had two feet of my small bowel removed. I’d be straining my stomach acid out. I didn’t tell anyone about how much it was affected my mental health. I started drinking in the daytime. I wanted to end my life.”
“Each pregnancy announcement was more and more heartbreaking. It felt like we weren’t meant to be parents. Our attorney called, ‘She’s interested in talking to you.’ We were beyond shocked.”
“At 3 years old, I was forced to drink raw eggs and smoke half of a cigarette by my mom’s boyfriend. The court system failed me. At 19, I became homeless. I tried to leave my relationship but found myself fighting an uphill battle. By the time I had my second daughter, I knew I needed to find a way out.”
“I found myself missing school daily. I’d wake up, feel a little sick, and have a full-blown panic attack. Panic attacks made me hate every second of my life. I wanted to end it all.”
