Amanda Doulos is a digital editor for Love What Matters based in New York City. She will graduate from Binghamton University with a Bachelor of English Literature and Spanish in Spring 2023. She loves staying involved as vice president of the mock trial team and secretary of Spanish Honor Society. In her free time, she loves reading, traveling, and spending time with friends.
“My cardiologist told me, ‘It’s all in your head.’ She was mad I couldn’t even stand for an assessment. I tried to push through. How could she say what I was going through wasn’t real?”
“I covered all of the mirrors in my apartment and closed all of the blinds. I didn’t want to see my family or friends. I didn’t want anyone to be near me. I was so ashamed and disgusted with myself. My hair was my security blanket, but it was almost gone.”
“It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I could barely breathe. ’I think you have myasthenia gravis.’ It’s like being trapped in your body. No one knew if I would make it.”
“I was sure we would have heard by now. Not a minute after I let myself lose hope, my phone rang. A little boy had been born the night before. His birth had been traumatic. ‘Is there any reason we’d say no?’ We were sure he was meant to be our little boy.”
“I’ll never forget the day CPS called and said, ‘The mother is accusing your family of neglect.’ I immediately felt sick to my stomach. Seeing the children reach milestones, despite the odds, makes all the background noise disappear.”
“They had no idea how much pain I was in, or how little milk he was actually managing to take each time. I honestly believed we were watching our baby starve and no one was listening to us. We both knew it was me or nothing.”
“I was always told I behaved like a boy, but that bounced off me. I didn’t know why I didn’t think, feel, or look like others. I came out as a lesbian and cut my hair short. Something was still missing.”
“We felt like failures. ‘Why can’t I get pregnant? Am I being punished?’ Our hearts broke with each ’no.’ We kept pushing forward, knowing our perfect match was out there.”
“My husband was giving me my nightly shot, and I experienced a weird taste in my mouth. I felt like I was choking. ‘You have to keep taking it or risk losing the baby.’ Every day was a battle.”
“I was terrified of what my future would look like. I vomit in my mouth at least three times a day, and I can’t drink water. My migraine never went away. It’s been over 80 days without relief. The answers are out there.”
